I'm very bad at handling times when I have nothing to do. There are a lot of things I could do, but then my attention span is terrible. I usually end up trying to do multiple(unproductive) things at once. It's like I'm being given so much freedom and I want to take advantage of it.
The biggest problem about not having anything to do is being left alone with my thoughts. And it can be quite scary and dark sometimes. Everything I try so hard to avoid usually starts with making eye contact. And it could be anything from binging anime or Netflix all day, being very unproductive with my time, eating more than I need to, drinking more than I need to, and other things I can't mention because my parents may end up reading this.
Don't get me wrong– I love being lazy and unproductive. That's why I call it an addiction. As a very introverted person, I find it extremely easy to not do anything all day. The scary part is when I start getting comfortable because at that point I just want to carry on being useless. It is only recently that I learnt how nothing good comes from doing nothing. That's when painting or cooking comes in.
Whenever I'm painting or cooking, I never feel like I'm doing anything. Even on my days off or during breaks, I feel like I'm being useful with my time in some way. And at the end of the day, I've made something, nothing more useful than that. It is only recently I realized that just because I have nothing to do, doesn't mean there isn't something to do. There are things I should not be doing when there's nothing to do, but there are so many things I could do. Does that make any sense?
Writing is fun!
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